#76: Manga still lifts my spirits | nonnonnonochi's Blog

I think I've had this blog over a year now. Yaaaay. I'm a little sad about missing the anniversary but I don't I would have done anything anyway.

To continue that theme in my last entry, I had another dream and this  one was even more BL coated. Perhaps I am finally become too "rotten"? OTL

Well it definitely involved tropes I'm a fan of like crossdressing. I'm too embarrassed to get into details though. I am still suffering from the effects of just seeing such a cute person up close (even if it was in a dream).

I really do want to be a cute person. A male cute person but I gotta start accepting that I'm not cis. Sometimes I think that I'm okay with it but then I get pangs of anguish (this sounds dramatic but it's accurate) and I don't want to exist.

Yesterday or earlier today (my sleep schedule is off again) I deleted one of my tumblr accounts. It's a "big deal" because it was the one where I actually interacted with people (mostly those from the group from the forum I used to frequent on a daily basis). Anyway I probably looked like a brat. I had made a post whining about not talking to anyone and wanting to delete my blog right before actually doing so. The problem is a remained vague and didn't explain that really I had boxed myself in again about my gender identity and that lead to me being secretive making me feel anxious. There are two people I sincerely like though to whom I might actually come clean. I feel bad because they're not even 18 yet and I'm too old for this. I don't want to tell them things like about my excessive and constant self loathing (this blog can only soak up 90% of it, 10% is still too much to share). Someone send me a friend my age, please.

Actually I finally had said hi to the BL girl I really like (she's a little older than me) but now I gotta tell her a have a new account but I wanna wait until I have my personal blog up. I want to be friends with her and not just reblog pretty pics form each other. I want to approach her as me. She thinks I'm a girl tho. OTL

Would you believe I originally signed on to talk about wishing I could find a good shoujo manga? ''