#76: Manga still lifts my spirits | nonnonnonochi's Blog

I think I've had this blog over a year now. Yaaaay. I'm a little sad about missing the anniversary but I don't I would have done anything anyway.

To continue that theme in my last entry, I had another dream and thisĀ  one was even more BL coated. Perhaps I am finally become too "rotten"? OTL

Well it definitely involved tropes I'm a fan of like crossdressing. I'm too embarrassed to get into details though. I am still suffering from the effects of just seeing such a cute person up close (even if it was in a dream).

I really do want to be a cute person. A male cute person but I gotta start accepting that I'm not cis. Sometimes I think that I'm okay with it but then I get pangs of anguish (this sounds dramatic but it's accurate) and I don't want to exist.

Yesterday or earlier today (my sleep schedule is off again) I deleted one of my tumblr accounts. It's a "big deal" because it was the one where I actually interacted with people (mostly those from the group from the forum I used to frequent on a daily basis). Anyway I probably looked like a brat. I had made a post whining about not talking to anyone and wanting to delete my blog right before actually doing so. The problem is a remained vague and didn't explain that really I had boxed myself in again about my gender identity and that lead to me being secretive making me feel anxious. There are two people I sincerely like though to whom I might actually come clean. I feel bad because they're not even 18 yet and I'm too old for this. I don't want to tell them things like about my excessive and constant self loathing (this blog can only soak up 90% of it, 10% is still too much to share). Someone send me a friend my age, please.

Actually I finally had said hi to the BL girl I really like (she's a little older than me) but now I gotta tell her a have a new account but I wanna wait until I have my personal blog up. I want to be friends with her and not just reblog pretty pics form each other. I want to approach her as me. She thinks I'm a girl tho. OTL

Would you believe I originally signed on to talk about wishing I could find a good shoujo manga? ''

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Previous Posts
#96: TV, posted October 6th, 2013
#95: Again for the last time, posted August 7th, 2013
#94: Still around, posted August 1st, 2013
#93 : What Do I Read, posted June 24th, 2013
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#87: My Eyes Hurt, posted May 15th, 2013
#86: EP Stories, posted May 10th, 2013
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#84: Master Cleanse, posted April 1st, 2013
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#81: No Internet but still whining, posted January 6th, 2013
#80: EP Mobile site fails me, posted December 29th, 2012
#79: Can't, posted December 9th, 2012
#78: Correction, posted November 30th, 2012
#77: Rejection, posted November 27th, 2012
#76: Manga still lifts my spirits, posted November 25th, 2012
#75: Tomorrow won't be fun, posted November 22nd, 2012
#74: Hugs, posted November 14th, 2012
#73: Nice dream. Shame I can't remember., posted November 8th, 2012
#72: What am I trying to say, posted November 5th, 2012
#71: It's 2 AM, posted October 20th, 2012
#70: Identifying as a WOC but not?, posted September 11th, 2012
#69: Early morning, posted August 15th, 2012
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#65: I did try, posted June 10th, 2012
#64: Quiet, posted June 7th, 2012
#63: Momjust left, posted May 31st, 2012
#62: People grow but not me, posted May 27th, 2012
#61: Impossible, posted May 17th, 2012
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#57: The Current You: Self Loathing Edition, posted April 30th, 2012
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